Last September, my partner Mia and I visited Berlin, a city known for being very cool and completely nonsense free. Seriously there is very limited nonsense going on, shit just works and people expect it to. Fucking crazy in my opinion. Whilst there, we visited the Hamburger Bahnhof, a museum of contemporary art housed in the former terminus for the Berlin-Hamburg railway line. Once inside and greeted by the most nondescript woman of all time, we stashed away our backpacks and proceeded to see a lot of beautiful art. We happened to go during Berlin Art Week so there was a lot of cool shit, would recommend. One piece stood out to me at the time:
Zweikampf by German artist, sculptor and punk singer, Salomé.
Depicting two sumos wrestling in traditional garb, I loved this painting for its bright colours and motion; the squiggles - technical term don’t worry about it - of yellow and orange suggest the light behind them bends around their force and movement, the sumos feel more immovable than their surroundings, emphasising their size and power. I also love how the face of the wrestler in the blue mawashi - actual technical term for the loincloth that wrestlers wear - is obscured, revealing only that it is very close to the other. It’s a bit saucy, it’s colourful and I’m a big fan.
But that does lead me to a bigger, philosophical question - who are your favourite big boys, absolute units, himbos, beefcakes? In this letter, we’ll be exploring some of my favourites from different mediums AND take some guest opinions from resident Rat Depot readers.
Stop being so stoic, Stoick
Animated films of the last decade have monopolised on a certain brand of man. The stoic, emotionally repressed, anatomically improbable dilf. These dads often begin as people who don’t really understand their children and feel disconnected from them as they don’t conform to what they expect their offspring to be. In this instance, it’s because their son, Hiccup, doesn’t want to aimlessly murder dragons. Hiccup’s twinky (I’m sorry but it’s true) build is a source of shame for Stoick, a man built like one of those SMEG fridges. I just think if you name your child Hiccup, you’re not exactly setting them up to be muscle-laden murdering machines. Stoick eventually yields to the idea that dragons are actually homies and *spoilers* *spoilers* *I MEAN IT* - proceeds to die, as all reformed dads do. There’s been a few, arguably better, stoic dilfs in the canon of Western animation since, but Stoick is the OG. Besides Mr Incredible, Bubbles from Lilo and Stitch and probably more I’m forgetting. But Stoic is the first true fridgecore dilf and I’m sticking by that.
Devlin Waugh and the Demonic Titty Dildo
You heard me. As a gay vampire-hunting Vatican employee, dapper dan Devlin Waugh is a standout character in the 2000 AD comic book family. Appearing originally in a Judge Dredd series in 1992 as one of the first openly gay characters in British comics, Devlin Waugh quickly became a bit of a fan favourite, leading to his own series which is ongoing. Waugh has had many escapades, including a mission to help the Vatican find demons in an underwater prison called Aquatraz (Swimming in Blood, 2014).
The absolute drip on the man. Elevated by stunning artwork by Sean Phillips and Steve Yeowell, Swimming in Blood is a great place to start with this beefcake. More recently, Waugh has been hanging out with an ancient demon called Titivillus, a “molester of languages, the incorrect whisperer of the mumbling abyss”, who also happens to be trapped in the form of a pink dildo, lovingly referred to as Titty.
If you like camp, trashy horror (which we all do) then go and fall in love with Devlin Waugh. In the latest run, Devlin Waugh: The Reckoning, “the freelance paranormal trouble-shooter and exorcist for the Vatican confronts sinister dark forces and plays the Match of Hades, before defending his demonic dildonic partner, Titivillus, in the court of Hell itself!”. If you’re not sold yet then I give up. The Reckoning comes out 16 March 2023 in the UK.
I Think We Make A Real Sharp Couple Of Coconuts
Have a listen to Rat Depot member Millicent on their appreciation of a certain himbo underdog…
This wholesome analysis of Rocky Balboa’s relationship with Adrian Pennino reminds us that Rocky (1976) is in fact a love story above all else. The boxing is just more effective than buying turtle food, as it turns out.
Thanks to Millicent for sharing their thoughts! You can check out their own newsletter, where they share personal poetry and prose which is very groovy indeed, here:
Oh Lord, Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
Lofi king Daniel Johnston was renown in the alt music scene for his homemade tapes, including the now cult classic Hi, How Are You? (1983). Johnston was also known for his artwork, which Rat Depot reader Wren wrote some words on:
“Daniel Johnston's characters were, a lot of the time, muscular to a fantastical degree. The examples here are particularly childlike in style - reminiscent of a first attempt at anatomy, or an action man toy. However, these burly, masculine characters often came with a caveat - 'oh lord don't let me be misunderstood'. As is often the case in Johnston's work, these illustrations depict vulnerable, raw and affecting moments of emotion. These beefcakes have feelings too!!”.
I also love the crude physiques of the characters in Johnston’s drawings, which feel so unique and identifiable, even when drawing characters with an established look and feel, like Captain America. Wren touches on something great, which is that Johnston’s drawings really speak to his appeal, a childlike wonder and insecurity that people relate to. Johnston himself exclaiming “I am a baby in my universe, I’ll live forever”. Yes you will, Daniel <3.
You can listen to Daniel Johnston here.
You can visit his charming website to learn more, here.
There’s also a short film by Gabriel Sunday which is really touching portal into Johnston’s world.
And thank you to Wren for contributing! You can check out Wren’s own fantastic artwork on their instagram, here.
The Girth Curse
Finally, we have this tribute to Big Dick Richie, from Magic Mike XXL (2015), from the fabulous writer and Rat Depot reader, Isaac.
Richie has a big dick. He’s huge all over, but the eponymous penis is the main feature. It’s great for the stage work but like many bodybuilders, it’s a pageant penis, meant for spectacle only. The audience can watch and faun, but off-stage, Richie must wander aimlessly to find what he calls “the glass slipper.”
After a night of debauchery, his stripper crew of supportive and loving friends, ask him about the girl he was with. “Did you bangee?” they ask. I can only assume that means sex. Richie’s face drops. “No. I haven’t had actual sex in almost five months.” (Apparently an eternity for someone so jacked). “Every time a chick gets a look at it, she’s like ‘how about a blowjob or a handjob?’” It’s a tragedy. All he wants is the feeling of intimacy with another person, but he’s cursed. “Laugh at my plight,” he says, understanding that many would consider it a privilege, but there’s real sadness to how the size of his body maintains a distance from the people around him.
But it’s ok - he has his friends, who love him no matter how big it, I mean he, is. To get his mojo back, they encourage him to find himself in dance. If he can make the girl at the gas station counter smile, he’ll have made her day. The Backstreet Boys’ ‘I Want It That Way’ soundtracks his beautiful movement through the aisles and to the vending machine of drinks. Slowly unzipping his hoodie, his chiselled body grabs her attention. He explodes a bag of cheetos, letting them rain down on him. He opens a bottle of water and with a hip thrust, shoots the liquid through the air before unloading the rest of it all over himself.
“How much for the cheetos and water?” he asks her, capping his performance.
Her face breaks into a smile, and outside his friends hoot and holler and cheer like he’s just scored a winning touchdown. They love their friend, and they love that his beauty and charm can make someone’s day.
It’s hard, I mean difficult, to live as such a paraded exhibit of masculine perfection, but it’s easier with caring friends who see who you are underneath a jacked body and Herculean penis.
Thank you to Isaac for this sympathetic portrayal of a man cursed with talent. You can read Isaac’s fantastic newsletter,
here.That’s all for this week, a massive thank you to Millicent, Wren and Isaac for contributing to this weeks letter. If you’d like to collaborate with me or other Rat Depot members, you simply HAVE to be in the Discord, darling.
All for free. I’ll be back on Wednesday with another Rat Depot FM episode but until then, be good.
Love,
Paulie xxx